WTF?
All of this is so incredibly hard and unfair and effed up- all of it. It's hard to see my Dad like that. It's hard to see everyone crying and emotionally unstable. It's hard to feel so helpless. It's hard to get on a plane and be on the other side of the country. It's hard to know how to act, how to feel, how to be, how to just be yourself. It's hard to leave Dad in a hospital every night. It's hard to see him so sick. It's hard to not be able to do more. Hard. It's unfair to have to go through this again with another parent. It's unfair to not know what's going on. It's unfair this happened in the first place. It's unfair it's my Dad. It's unfair it's esophageal cancer. It's unfair it's spread. It's unfair my mom has to go through this with her husband. It's unfair there isn't a cure. It's unfair that esophageal cancer is such a shitty type of cancer to get. It's unfair. Unfair. And it's effed up that we're all in this position. It's effed up that we live in a world where people have to go through cancer personally. It's effed up that a child has to watch their parent become more and more sick and lose more and more weight and control of their ability to rely on themselves. I effing hate it all. It's effed up.

Getting on the plane yesterday was one of the harder things I've done. Right in line with the last time I had to get on a plane to California when my Mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer just over 5 years ago.

I don't know how to feel or how to act or what to do. Work is a nice and welcome distraction, but it just seems wrong to be in California with all that's going on.

 
Blah blah blah
I've been addicted to the Tour de France and am currently listening to live coverage online with the TV on mute so Steve can sleep.  How nice am I?  I read Lance Armstrong's first book in April and was looking forward to watching the Tour ever since then.  I never realized how much of a science bike racing was. 

My father has surgery on Friday, July 30th.  While we're all scared and anxious, I know we're all equally "excited" to get this over with.  His surgery will last 5 hours and is set to stay in the hospital for at least 10 days.  We're hoping there is very little drama and no complications.  The closer we get to it all, the more freaked out and emotional I'm getting, which is obviously to be expected. 

Life otherwise is good.  Steve and I haven't really done anything more with wedding plans.  Actually the other day we went to the site of our first date, Mulberry Street Pizza, and found out they do catering!  So check, I've got my pizza on the menu.  But honestly, nothing has been done.

Work is good.  I think I'll be staying in NYC for a week after Dad's surgery and then I'll go to the NY 3-Day.  I'm excited to see an event again; it always brings everything back for me and reminds me that no matter how frustrating things can get the event always makes it worth it.

Peace out!

 
Ireland- Here I Come!
So a couple of weeks ago I decided to buy a ticket to go to Ireland after my events are over with at the end of October. From November 7th - 22nd, I'll be exploring around Ireland by myself. Right now I'm going by myself, but I have a feeling I may end up getting a traveling partner. I'm fine either way- almost prefer traveling on my own, only cause I've never done it and after being on a tour bus for 4 weeks, I think I'll be ready to do my own thing.

I HATE BODIES IN MOTION. I'm currently trying to get the ef outta my membership there. Between the ridiculous customer service and the very poor management, I want nothing to do with it. The topper was when my friend Katiegrant and I were verbally attacked by their "acting" General Manager last week. HATE IT!

Work is good.
Steve is great.
Dad is hanging in there. We're all just waiting for surgery at this point. Just have to get over that big hurdle and see what happens next.

 
Big Steps
We found out on Tuesday that my father is going to have surgery. So I'll be heading back east again for that at the end of July. It's great that they're going to remove the tumor and figure out what else is going on in there. We weren't sure if they were going through with surgery because there has apparently been very little change in his tumor size after treatment. How much does that suck? I can't even begin to put into words how disappointing it was to find that out. It was even more disappointing to find out that they weren't sure about surgery. So Tuesday was a good day! Crazy that we're excited he gets to have life-threatening surgery. The important thing is that we'll all be together and we'll all get through this. It's just what Corridans do.

Now, the next great big piece of news is Steve and I have set a wedding date!

August 6, 2005!!

It's really exciting to be able to start planning our life together. Everything has been on hold, and understandably so, with everything else going on. But it feels great to think about a wedding and all that fun stuff!

I also bought a ticket to Ireland for 2 weeks once my events are over with. I know I'm going to need a break at that point and I'm really looking forward to traveling on my own. I've never done that, and I can't think of a better place to do it.

More to come later!

 
Shrinkage
I got a call from my mom giving me the latest details with my father's endoscopy, which was today. "There was a little bit of shrinkage." Jesus. You'd think with everything he went through and he put his body through that there would be more than just a little bit of shrinkage. The doctor is still recommending surgery, but it will first need to be reviewed by the tumor board, before getting the green light for sure. Unfortunately the surgery would not be until July 30th. I hate that we have to wait until then.

 
Home Again...
I haven't stopped calling Lancaster, New Hampshire home, even though my real home is now in Los Angeles. So I was home in New Hampshire (and New York) and now I'm finally back home- which is nice.

I spent most of last week at home with my dad and Katie, who just got back from Hawaii. It was great to be home and great to just spend time with both Katie and my dad. I was working at the same time too, which was frustrating, but had to be done.

My father finished his last chemo and radiation treatment on Friday, June 4th. He has had very little energy, is still extremely nauseous and is just over this in general. Who wouldn't be? He's sitll not eating "normal" food. He's getting everything he needs through 6 cans of Ensure each day via a feeding tube. He's got 3 big things coming up:
1. Endoscopy, June 17th
2. Cat Scan, June 21st
3. Surgery, July 30th
I'll be going home again for his surgery. We'll all be there- all being me, Kara, Katie, Meghan and Mom. It's all still really scary. I go through these moments where I'm totally fine and then other moments where I'm not fine at all. I'm just sad about this whole thing. And while it was great to be home, it makes it all so very real.

I've been to three wedding in the last month. The last one was yesterday. I hate going to weddings right now. I think I already mentioned that in an earlier post, but it's just depressing for the most part.

YUCK!

Other than all that, really not much is going on. I need to get back into the swing of things this week with working out and catching up with work and fun.

 
I love who I work with!
I've been doing A LOT of traveling lately for work. I was in Chicago for an all-company meeting. Then I was in Arizona for a few days. And then most recently I was in San Francisco up until Thursday. I was very happy to get home on Thursday, knowing that I'd be here for a while and finally get to spend some quality time with Steve.

On Thursday when I got home...I had a lot of mail to return to. I started going through it when I noticed mail from the American Cancer Society. I opened up my mail and to my utter shock and surprise, I was treated to a note that on the front said, "In Your Honor." In the instead it read, "A gift in honor of Thomas Corridan has been made to the American Cancer Society by your West Coast team: Ilene, Amy, Jessica, Joellyn, Jemma, Kristen, Wendy, Suzanne, Tyler, Jen, Zoe, Joe, Nikee, Heather, Jessica, Gina, Meg, Jill, Sabrina, Michelle and Shira. To say I was blown away is honestly an understatement. I couldn't stop the tears.

I was, and am, so incredibly touched by the thoughfulness and generosity of the people I work with. It was hands down the best present I've ever gotten and hand down the nicest thing that I have ever received. It's perfect and wonderful. Even now, just thinking about it, a few days later I'm still tearing up just thinking about it.

It's amazing how many people pull together during a family's crisis like this.

We've all been doing ok. Dad's quality of life isn't so great right now as he's going through both chemo and radiation 5 days a week. And on top of that, he's still not really eating. He tries, but it's just not fun. So overall, I think he's doing as best as he possibly can, but of course we all wish it could be better- and over with. He will be done with radiation and chemo on June 4th and then on June 22nd he'll have another ultrasound and cat scan. This will give us a better idea about the effectiveness of the treatment. And I guess his surgery is already scheduled. YUCK. I'm not sure when that will be...I just know that it's still a very long road ahead for all of us, but of course, most especially for Dad. In the meantime, we're all doing what we can. Checking in and being supportive for each other.

I'm anxious to get home again. It'll be great to see Mom and Dad and just to be there for a few days to help out and BE together.

I get sad really easily these days. And it's not because I'm pessimistic or depressed or anything like that...but regular life events happen that make me realize just how different life is right now. I met up with my friend Jena's parents who were visiting from Rhode Island Thursday and Friday nights. A normal thing like parent's visiting makes me sad because I can't have that right now, no matter how much I want it. I went to my friend's wedding last weekend and it only reminded me how I can't plan my own wedding right now- which I'm TOTALLY OK with. But again, it made me sad to think of all the unknowns. Blah.

It is sad. And it's ok for me to feel sad. But at the end of the day, I still think this is all bullshit and 100% UNFAIR.

 
As I mentioned last Monday, I decided to sign up at a new gym. On Tuesday, I signed up for 3 months of personal training! Which I'm really looking forward to. I had my first "real" apptointment this past Tuesday. Hot Damn! I am still sore. I've had such a lame mentality for such a long time about how I should be spending my money. I hate the way I look and I finally decided to just do something about it. Instead of spending money on eating bad for me foods, I put that money towards personal training and a new gym membership!

While I was hanging out in NYC I got out a lot! I went to a knitting store, I met a friend for drinks, I went out to dinner a lot, went to the movies. And it made me realize that I needed to get out and do more in LA. I really haven't had too much time to do that...although while Abby, Hal and the girls were in town, we did all go out. But that is one of my hopes in signing up with the new gym. I wanted to get myself out of my place! Working from home is really challenging. I have a hard time walking away from my computer and checking out of work.

I was in Chicago for work this past weekend and it was amazing. I had such a great time and realized, again, just how much I love my company and the work we do. I was meeting many of my co-workers for the first time and was completely overwhelmed all weekend long by the people we've attraced, the work that we do and the progress that we've made and continue to make. I have spent a long time trying to find a company like the one I'm with and feel great about where I am, what we do, and where we're headed.

Sunday I leave for Arizona for work. I'm dreading the heat, but apparently I'm going to a bar called Greasewood Flats. How fun does that sound? I'm also going to San Francisco for work as well pretty soon. Lots of traveling this month.

I'll be going home again in early June for Lynn & Brad's wedding!!! and also to spend a week at home with my family.

My father started radiation yesterday. He will be going every M-F for 5 weeks. Everyday he will be taking chemo in a pill form (which he had difficulty swallowing yesterday, how effed up is that?). Once a week (on Tuesdays I believe) he will also be having a chemo appointment (not oral). It's insane to me how much crap is being pumped through his body.

Going home was great and being with my family in NYC was great too. It was hard to see how this is affecting everyone in my family. My grandparents are very concerned, yet very hopeful. Meghan and I went to First Ave (the usual hang out) and talked with a lot of people who grew up with my parents. Some of them had just found out about my father's diagnosis and were telling us stories about "TC" and when he was younger. It was exactly what I needed to hear, and completely validated the very reason I wanted to stick around for an extra week.

I haven't cried about my dad in a while. It's sick and weird how a cancer diagnosis can become a pattern, how your process of taking it all in becomes a normal part of your day and your routine. I know since I'm not there on a daily basis and seeing how this affects my parent's life makes it easier for me...but still. I also avoid thinking about it a lot. What's the sense in thinking about it all the time? Thinking about it really makes me crazy, mainly because my mind wanders places it shouldn't.

Regardless, this is a really difficult time, but I'm doing well, and I think everyone else is hanging in there as much as they can. I'm hoping that my father will start to see the effects of radiation with his tumor shrinking- so he can start eating again. Could you even imagine not being able to eat?

You know what I say?

Ef that!

 
I have to thank Jonathan and Ellen for all of their help in redesigning my website. I thought it was long overdue for a change and I really appreciate your help. So thank you thank you thank you. And for the rest of you, I hope you like the changes.

I'm back in LA, and while I'm loving it, I am also a little sad to be so far away. I feel really far away with everything going on. But I'll be back before you know it.

Update on my dad: got some medication called Zofran for the nausea (which I found through the help of the online support group/list serve that I signed up for) and he met with his radiation oncologist yesterday. He told us that the tumor hasn't shrunk, but, also with the help on the online support group/list serve, we realized that the chemo really isn't intended to shrink the tumor- that's what the radiation is for. So that made us all feel much better.

Update on me: I joined a gym yesterday: Bodies in Motion. Which I wasn't going to do, cause it costs a considerable amount more a month than I was intending to pay, BUT it is a gorgeous facility and will get me out of my house and will hopefully get me more into action. Which I need desparately. Also, Abby & Hal are coming out today with the girls. They'll be here until Sunday (but I leave for Chicago for work) on Friday. I'm really looking forward to having them out here, spending time with them and seeing how they like LA. I haven't had that many visitors so far this year.

And that's it! Jonthan thank you again for alllll your help!

 
I went out to dinner tonight with my grandparent's tonight and had such a great time. I hate being far from my family mainly because I have such a good time with them when we are together. Tonight reminded me of that. I wish I could see them more often. Why does California have to be so far away?

I've been doing a lot of research online and looking stuff up about esophageal cancer. And today I joined a list serve group thingy which has already proved to be incredibly helpful and supportive. I want to connect with people who are currently going through esophageal cancer or people who care for those who are directly affected. It's great so far, and I'm learning a lot and more than anything, feeling a little more reassured. It's nice to feel that.

I am exhausted though. Must sleep!

 
It's been a while since I last wrote in here.

A lot is going on.

My father was diagnosed with esophageal cancer about a month ago, no more than that. Maybe about a month and a half to two months ago and really I haven't wanted to post anything. I didn't know how my family would react to it and honestly I haven't been in the mood to share. Even now just writing this and putting it into words makes the whole thing seem so much more real and so much scarier than I even want to deal with.

We've been through so much already with my mother's breast cancer diagnosis more than 5 years ago. To go through it again is unfair, to say the least.

It's effed up.

And I hate it.

I went home last week to see my parents and while it was wonderful to be there, to spend time with them and to see what is going on, it was hard. It was hard to see my father 40 lbs lighter than I saw him a little over 3 months ago. It was hard to not have him at the dinner table, entertaining us all with his food hanging from his mouth or sitting on his chin...just to annoy my mother. It was hard to see him nauseous and tired.

I'm trying not to read anything online because it's devastating and sad and depressing and hard. But every now and again I find myself going online to read a story from a survivor. And it makes me feel a little better. Cause the thing is that statistics really don't mean anything, because this can play out so many different ways. And there's no reason why my dad won't come out of this wonderfully.

But every now and again I get really sad.

And scared.

And mad.

WHY?

 
Every now and again I'll get an email from a friend asking me to make an update. This time the friendly reminder came from my friend Stuart who just celebrated his birthday yesterday. Happy Birthday Stuart! Also a few other birthday wishes I need to acknowledge are my cousin Brian, uncle Jack and sister Meghan! February is a busy birthday month in my family!

So I'll start with work since that's what I've been focused on the most lately (what else is new!?). I never want to look for another job again. For the first time since I've been involved in the breast cancer walks, I finally feel like I'm at a place that gets it. A place that treats the employees as well as the participants. A place that can make everyday at work feel like a day on the walk. I'm surrounded by amazing people who are passionate and talented and know how to work hard and play hard. I feel supported and appreciated and I know I have just as much to give as I am being offered. I went to Chicago about two weeks ago for training and it was the best work experience I've ever had. Although the months ahead are going to be hard and challenging and difficult, everything was reinforced for me in Chicago. I got to meet the people who are going to help make us successful. I got a better idea of how we're going to make the 3-Day work. And I feel good about it. I feel really good about the direction the walks are being taken in, the direction that WE are taking them in.

Because of work, I've actually lost a friend. Someone I thought was a really good friend, but obviously turns out wasn't as good as I thought. There are some things that should NEVER come between friends and work is definitely one of them. I've been pretty sad about it though. I've never actually ended a friendship, but I just didn't feel like having to keep defending my employment decision and my friend couldn't deal with it either so that's that. Balls. It's just really disappointing and sad.

This past weekend Steve and I drove up to Carmel for Valentine's Day. I actually kept a surprise for almost two months! I got a good deal from Travelzoo and booked it! Yesterday we drove down the coast and it was so freaking scary. I've driven along the coast a couple of times but this time I was really freaked out. It was kinda funny though. I was laughing because I was nervous and Steve was freaking out cause I was laughing. It took me 3 hours to drive 90 miles. It was gorgeous, although I didn't get to see as much as I wanted because of the driving part and all! It was great though- great to get away, great to be in Carmel and great to make Steve that happy.

Hmmm, everything else is fine. Friends are great. Steve is great. Family is great! Abby and Hal are coming out in April with the girls, which I'm excited about. Other than that, I really don't have any visitors coming for a while, which is weird!

And she's done...

 
So much has changed since the last time I wrote in this. Here are the major things:
1. I got laid-off on December 19th and as a result decided to extend my trip back east by almost a full week!
2. I GOT ENGAGED last Thursday at a place called Top of the Mark. It's in San Francisco.
3. I got a new job yesterday working for a company called E360. They are the company that CF partnered with who produced the 3-Day, but they are now taking on all aspects of the events.

I have a lot going on, a lot to be excited about and even more to be thankful for! Obviously being laid-off again was a huge hit and blow and all that fun stuff, but it's all working out quite nicely. I don't have really anything to complain about. Well I am going to Chicago tomorrow and it's supposed to be really cold!

 
Happy New Year! I have just updated the Celebrity Sightings, and there are some good ones in there- so check it out. I'll be back later with an update from Christmas, New Years, etc.

 
Ariel decided to post a little early...so read on and fall in love with New Hampshire through the eyes of an outsider. Thanks Ariel!

So first I must say a big thank you to my dear Molly for honoring me with a guest entry on her blog. It’s been so cool that even though I am over 3200 miles away, I can feel so connected to Molly right now. I hold meetings in the coffeeshops of her college days. I watched the debate at her alma mater. She knows every spot I step foot in. One of the things about New Hampshire that is so amazingly different from L.A. is that each town is seriously composed of two or three main streets. When I introduce my campaign activists to each other, they may live at opposite ends of the state, but they’ll say, “Oh, you live on the corner of x and y? That’s right across from the old church building. And the Millers are right next door …” It’s like everyone here knows every inch of the state.

I live in Brookline (not to be confused with Brookline, Mass), a tiny town in southwestern New Hampshire. My big old farmhouse is on the main street through town, so a couple blocks down past the ballpark that used to be grazing land for our dairy farm are the church and Town Hall, and the Village Store. My friends/co-workers Andrew and John live down by the Village Store with Betty Hall, an 83 year old activist who, in her heyday, ran her own handbag business and served in the state legislature. Now she stays busy riling up all the townspeople, and playing matchmaker with me and Andrew (it turns out that the old folks aren’t quite up on the acronym “LGBT”). Anyway, Betty told us that she goes to Town Hall four or five times a week. As a recent import from Los Angeles, I have to wonder, what does one even do at Town Hall?

What does one do in New Hampshire at all? I don’t know any of the latest movies (and they won’t be playing here for a couple more months). I can’t go shopping, except at Wal-Mart for men’s longjohns. I have not been anywhere close to the Abbey to see the beautiful ladies. I don’t know whether Michael Jackson is guilty or what he may even be guilty of. I can’t run down to the beach to sunbathe on another perfectly sunny day, or hike in the mountains five minutes from my apartment. But I can walk alone outside at night to the covered bridge by the frozen lake. I can sit and watch the meteor shower and actually see more than the same 10 stars. I can haul out my big fat waterproof boots and trek down the middle of the “highway” at night in 7 inches of snow, with more snow pouring down. I can sit at the local gay bar and have incredible conversations about values and beliefs with people I met a few weeks ago.

Yesterday I woke up to the day-after of another big snowstorm. There was frost sparkling on my windows and the infamous Mr. Puddie refused to budge from deep under the quilt. I made my way outside to dig out my car—snow covers all the windows so entering the car is like crawling into a cave—and reached into the back seat to grab my extra-long extra-strength snow-broom-slash-ice-scraper. And by accident, because they’re the same size and the same bright red color, I grabbed The Club. And I realized—again—I am a long, long, long way away from Los Angeles.

 
So you know how good things come out of some not so good things, like bad job experiences, accidents, etc.? Well one bad job experience I had earlier this year turned out wonderfully because I met Ariel. My friend who I mentioned in my last entry who is currently living in New Hampshire and working on the Dean Campaign. Anyway, since I'm trying to get back into the whole blogger thing, I've asked her to be my next Guest Blogger. So she's going to be making an entry that will be here on Thursday! Stay tuned.

 
I have this really bad habit of starting things and then stopping them. And then I have an even worse habit of voicing or writing about how I've started something and how I intend to continue whatever I'm saying I'm going to do...for instance, writing in this thing, sticking to a diet, running...blah. Maybe I can work on a New Year's resolution surrounding some of this. Hmmm.

It's no secret that I haven't been writing in this that much. So I'm just going to start from the top with the updates and then I'm going to end it with one of my most fun celebrity sightings since I moved to LA.

Work
As usual work is busy and challenging and stressful and fun and interesting and frustrating and rewarding and still exactly where I want to be. I get to be challenged on a daily basis by how I manage the coaches and how I can contribute on a much larger scale. I'm working on new things every day and figuring out ways to make us more successful. And the good news is that before long we should be hiring another manager to help out with the coaches. I am loving the idea of having another manager to help reduce my workload and give me more time to focus on the coaches and their success. I'm looking for to 2004 just because it'll give us time to do an amazingly good job with numbers and registrations and making a difference in people's lives. I went out to dinner with my friend Paschal the other night and he really helped opened my eyes a lot to what we have the ability to do. He helped me fall in love all over again with the events and the potential they have to change people's lives and the face of breast cancer. I think for so long I've fallen into that trap of being so focused on the numbers and falling short of them, that I've lost sight of what we're really trying to do. And I know that's apparent to the people that I manage. And I hate that, but I can change that really easily. We tell our participants that these events are going to change their lives and that they'll be living in a community where kindness prevails. Where people are nice to each other because they want to be. It's a place where you get to heal and celebrate and challenge yourself and push yourself beyond all these limits that you've placed upon yourself and your world. You laugh and cry and you're happy and you dance and you walk and walk and walk and raise an insane amount of money. And you feel things that you never knew a person could experience. You'll walk all day long and then get up in front of thousands of new friends that you've just met and sing and dance for another few hours before going to bed. It's magical and moving and inspirational and awesome. And I need to help re-create that type of an environment at work to help people remain productive. And more than that, I want the coaches to be such a huge source of passion and insipration and motivation, that when they get off the phone with people, the other person feels great and so does the coach. So that's what I'm going to be focusing more on at work.

Family
Everyone's doing well, but the biggest news is that Katie just got a job in Hawaii! Unfortunately she won't be around for Christmas, which is going to be really weird. But she knew that these would probably be the kind of terms in which she was going to be able to take a job in Hawaii. So she leaves on Wednesday, and she'll be there for 3 months! For Christmas, we all chipped in and got my parents a ticket to Hawaii! So they're going to be visiting Katie in February. I'm going to go at some point as well since we're going to split a ticket. Steve and I are going back east for Christmas together- which I'm insanely excited about. It's going to be really fun. We'll be spending time with his family and my family. I'm looking forward to meeting some of his friends and family that I still haven't met. And I'm loving the idea of being in Lancaster with him. I just know it's going to be wonderful! We leave on Saturday and will be there for 8 days. I am really sad about Katie not being there. But I'm sure we'll talk to her all the time.

Fun
So I don't think I wrote about this but when I was back in New York around the time of my birthday, I had Susannah and Sue teach me how to knit. So I learned how to knit, but I didn't learn how to purl. But for Boges' birthday I got us knitting lessons with someone here in Los Angeles. It was really fun and I definitely got a much better understanding of knitting, and purling. So I bought a little project kit while I was there and am currently knitting my first scarf. It's actually pretty fun. Steve and I both decided that I needed a hobby that didn't include work or the computer. I'm looking into taking a class at the Beverly Hills Adult School. And I'm toying with the idea of taking a grant writing course. Hey, you never know when things like that will come in handy! And I want to be more diverse.

Under the topic of fun is the fact that one of my best LA friends is currently in NH working on the Dean campaign. It's really cool that Ariel's going to my old college, UNH, and all these other hangouts that I know about. It's just a cool connection to have. And I'm hoping that when I'm in NH that I get to see her!

Also, Lindsay is out on her annual California trip. This time she's got her boyfriend Mark (Mahk) with her and we've had so much fun! Lindsay has come out to visit me every year since 1999, in both San Francisco and Los Angeles. Unfortunately there haven't been any celebrity sightings yet. Although she did have really good luck the last time she was here- Harrison Ford and Josh Hartnett just to name a few.

Fun Celebrity Sighting
So Katie came out to LA for Thanksgiving. We went over to Steve's parent's house where we spent the night with his family. We had such a nice time. Laura wrote the most adorable Thanksgiving prayer and read it just before dinner- just one of many funny/cute things that happened that night. Anyway, on the way back, I wanted to show Katie and Steve where Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt live. So we drove up and their house is so insanely, yet gorgeously, decorated for Christmas. They have thousands and thousands of white lights all over their trees and then they have these little red and white balls (all lights) placed all over the trees too. So it's at the end of a dead end road. So I'm turning around and there are all these maids coming out of a house. And I tell them how Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman live near them too (hey I have a subscription to US Weekly). I'm now heading away from their houses when Danny freaking Devito comes out of Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt's driveway! He's walking right towards my car . Steve tells me to stop. So I do. And Danny Devito comes up to my car. I seriously could reach out and touch him if I wanted to. He looks directly at me, at Steve and then at Katie. So I say "Hi." And he goes, "Hi." And continues on. All of a sudden we look down Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt's driveway and see them kissing in their doorway! Insane, huh?

So that's an update of me and what I've been up to and what I'm doing. I'm not going to say that I promise to write in this more...because I really don't know when I'll be writing in it again. I just hope that it's much sooner than the last time.

 
Work has been so insanely busy lately that during the week I put in such long hours and don't feel like doing anything much on the weekends! This weekend wasn't any different. Brian can attest to how crazy work has made me seeing as I wished him a Happy Birthday on October 10th even though his birthday is in fact in February. It wasn't until Friday night (after I cursed myself for not sending Meghan anything for her birthday) that I realized it was THE WRONG MONTH!!!

 
Last night Steve and I went to see Etta James perform live at the House of Blues. It was so incredible. The last song she sang was, "At Last" which is one of my all-time favorite songs. It was so....amazing to watch her perform that song. I wasn't so sure she was going to sing it, but I have a feeling she ends all of her shows with that song. There were times when I was so moved by her power that I could cry. Music doesn't really affect me all that much, but she was insanely good.

 
So I started running again this week. I've started running before, but I'm pretty sure it's going to stick this time. And the reason is because my friend is pretty much my personal trainer. It's awesome when someone else does the work for you! We ran three times this week. It feels so good to be running again. I used to run a lot in high school and my first year in college, but that pretty much ended. And it's been awful to try and get back into it. But I invested in a really expensive pair of running sneakers, so I'm hoping that will help solidify my commitment. It helps too that Lara is training us both to run a half marathon on January 11th in Arizona. Whatever! Don't know if I'm quite up for that, but I'll try. I just really want to stick with it this time around.

Steve and I are going to see Etta James tonight at the House of Blues. Thanks to Kerry (my cousin, not brother-in-law), I decided to splurge and bought the tickets last night! I'm really looking forward to it...I don't think I do enough "fun things" in LA...I just sit around and get tired!

 
I'm going to NYC for my 25th birthday! I'm soo excited. It's going to be great to see all of my family. It's going to be so much fun. And I'm trying to talk my friend PBarr into going with me. Last time I went to NYC was for Kara's wedding. That's when I met Jimmy Fallon.

Speaking of Jimmy Fallon...I'm not as into him as I once was. I still find him funny, but I'm not, you know, crazy about him. Regardless, Steve and I were watching SNL this past weekend and it was the best of Chris Kattan. I fell asleep but woke up several times to Steve HOWLING at some of the skits. It was pretty funny.

The Toronto team is coming down next week to help out on the phones and to see LA. So hopefully I can take care of some of my fun things that I want to do. The most fun LA thing I've done in a while is go to the Hollywood Cemetary to watch a movie playing "below and above the stars."

 
It's been disgustingly long since the last time I wrote in this. I apologize. Weird events have made me not write in this as often and as personalized as I have been. But I'm hoping things are clear now...I don't mean to be cryptic, but...

I spent the past eight days in Toronto staffing our first event, The Weekend to End Breast Cancer. It was amazing, emotional, inspirational, motivational, hard, sad, fun, challening, frustrating, beautiful and one of the most wonderful things I have ever been a part of. It was the most successful first-time fundraiser in Canadian history . I was so proud to be a part of it. It is amazing to me how much people can accomplish. We raised approximately $12 million that will help find a cure for breast cancer.

I haven't worked an event to the capacity that I did ever. So I really wasn't prepared for how incredibly hard I would work and how little I would sleep! But I kicked it into high gear and just made it all word. It was great! There was actually one night where I slept for an hour and fifteen minutes. The next night I think I slept for about 4 hours.

On the actual event, I was the lunch manager. Which basically means I communicate with dispatch about how many walkers have come in, if we need more food, water, ice, etc. On Saturday (after having a little over an hour of sleep) at the lunch stop, I was running around like a crazy person, and the stop was filled with walkers. All of a sudden I heard all this clapping. I turned around to see a woman in her 80's, Joan Armstrong, who was doing the ENTIRE walk (60 kilometers) with a walker in memory of her daughter who died of breast cancer. Everyone stood up and clapped this woman in. I was so overcome with emotion. It was one of the most beautiful and amazing things that I have ever seen- ever. People were lining up to get their pictures taken with this amazing woman and I felt so happy and so proud. It was great that this woman was being recognized as the real and true hero that she is.

On Sunday for Closing Ceremonies, I was watching from the stage and saw everything. It was amazing to see almost 4,000 people walk in and celebrate what they had just accomplished. I know I keep saying how proud I was, but it's so true. Being a part of something so huge and so successful was an amazing feeling. It felt great. I feel great.

As challenging as my job can be at times, I loved being a part of the event in that capacity. I'd do it all again for the feeling and experience I got.

Check it out The Weekend to End Breast Cancer.

 
So yesterday before Katie left to head back to the east coast (sniff, sniff), we went to lunch at King's Road Cafe and sat inches, literally, away from Monica Lewinsky. It was the weirdest celebrity sighting that I've had since I've lived here.

Yeah so Katie's gone. I'm really sad about that. It was really great to have Katie around for the summer. We both had so much fun together and were happy knowing we had every weekend to look forward to seeing each other. It's hard going from having her here, to again not having any family around me at all. I struggle with that so much when the man I love is here and I've started a career, not to mention wonderful friends. Most of the time I believe that I'll be out in California forever, but at times like this it definitely challenges those feelings for me. It's weird/hard to imagine living on the other side of the country from all of my family for the rest of my life. But at the same time, I know that when I go home, I know that California is where my connection is. Sigh. I wish we had 6 weeks of holiday time like Europe...that would help. Anyway, I'm happy for Katie that she has another job all lined up. And hopefully I'll be seeing her really soon!

I'm biking down to the Farmer's Market! Which I haven't been to the one in Beverly Hills yet and I'm excited.

 
Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. The balls are called work, family, health, friends, and integrity. And you're keeping all of them in the air. But one day you finally come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls- family, health, friends, integrity- are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered. And once you truly understand the lesson of the five balls, you will have the beginnings of balance in your life.

 
Oh by the way, we're having a Sssssssssssizzlin' Summer Party, and the theme is Go Big of Go Home. We might even get a keg. Should be a lot of fun though. We're going to be celebrating some birthdays, some departures, some arrivals and really just some summer fun.

 
Ew, the last time I wrote in here I said that it was a while since I last wrote. Apparently I have done nothing to change that. Very nice. Great Molly.

On a great note though, I'm only $2000 away from meeting my fundraising goal for the Los Angeles Breast Cancer 3-Day walk. I am really excited. I haven't even sent out my fundraising letters, or planned the party I'm going to have. I'm going all out this year because I don't anticipate walking again. I'll definitely crew, but this will most likely be the last time I walk.

Work is going well. It's definitely tough and challening and stressful, but overall great. I'm learning so much there. So thumbs up on that front.

Can't complain about things with Steve at all. So thumbs up on that front as well.

Katie's coming over on Friday night and then she has to leave Saturday night unfortunately because she's on call on Sunday. Yuck. But I love having her so close. Every time I think about her leaving and going back to the east coast, I get very upset and sad. I don't want her to leave.

Time for bed, I'm working at 6am tomorrow. YIKES!

 
It's been a long while since I last wrote in here. I just got back from Finn McCool's with Katie, Steve and Sylvia. I really love going there. I love listening to the music and seeing all the interesting people walk in and out of that place.

I went for a training walk this morning. Pretty much my first training walk. I went with Boges and Ann Masters. We went from the Venice pier to the Santa Monica pier and back. It was really nice but I have to get a new pair of sneakers- one size larger. I'm glad to kick-off the training though. I definitely need to keep it up. Only then will I really be able to finish one of these walks without getting blisters.

It's been great having Katie around so much. She's only going to be here for about another month. Sadness.

 
Arika's in town visiting...she has been since Wednesday...and we've been having a great time. She's contemplating moving out here, or moving back to Maine, I think either would be a great idea. Time to try something new. I feel like I've been hearing of so many people who want to move right now. And I'm all for people being spontaneous and trying new things- especially when we're young and we are not settled in a life yet. I am so glad that I moved out to San Francisco after college even though I really didn't know what I was going to be doing. And I'm glad I stayed there after Amy left. Then moving down to Los Angeles was the best thing I ever could have done. I'm glad I stayed here even after I knew Kara wasn't moving out here. I truly believe that only good things come from being spontaneous and adventurous.

I led a training walk on Saturday from the Venice Pier to the Santa Monica Pier and back. It was great! I had a fun time and met new people and felt good about starting my training already. Let's hope that I can keep it up! In the past two walks I've never properly trained and I'd definitely like to avoid that this time around.

 
Well, I decided to walk in my THIRD Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk. Check out my page. I've promised to raise $5000, pleaes help me not only meet, but exceed that fundraising goal. And thank you to Alice and Mary who have already made donations!

 
I added a new page today, with a list of all these things I still want to do in Los Angeles. So check out my list and if you have any suggestions, let me know. I'll update it once I actually do the things on the list. I think I'm going to try and do one of them tomorrow on my first and only day off this week!

Work is going well. No complaints there. I wish the phones were a little busier, but not that bad!

Steve and I got pretty sick after the wedding and he's still not feeling great, but we're almost there. Hopefully being outside for most of tomorrow will help change that!

Katie's here! She got here last Monday night. And although she's on call this weekend, and next weekend, I'm still pretty confident that we'll be seeing lots of her. In fact, the three of us are planning on driving up to San Francisco for Memorial Day Weekend! I'm so excited for that...if only Amy could meet us there.

 
I had a fantastic weekend. Met Jimmy Fallon, fell even more in love with Steve, and witnessed a beautiful and fun wedding. First let's talk a little bit about Jimmy. First of all, thank you to Meghan, my sister who was literally brought out of bed to take a picture. It was such a fantastic and crazy thing to have happened. I really can't believe that it did happen actually. But I have a great picture that shows that it did in fact happen. So that was just beyond amazing. You know if it happened in Los Angeles, it wouldn't have been anywhere near as big of a deal. I probably only would have ended up at the same bar as him because I probably would have been stalking him and would have been pretty sure it was a bar that he hung out at. But the fact that he came into the bar that we hang out at all the time is seriously just crazy. I'm the type of person that actually has thought about running into him in NYC. But I'm also the type of person that can be somewhat realistic and knows that the chances of that actually happening are so freaking slim. BUT IT HAPPENED. Which I can't believe. It's so surreal.

So Steve met everyone in my family pretty much now. He met my dad which was totally fine. He rode into the wedding with Sue and Susannah. And he met everyone- Kevin and Sherry, JR and Betsy, Kerry, blah blah blah. Everyone loved him and it just made me feel so great about things. Not that I needed any additional reasons to love him, but this just makes it so much better. And it means a lot to me that everyone in my family had such great things to say about him. He loved meeting them too and had a great time. SO overall, it was a great weekend for us too.

Now the wedding...I'm actually going to write a bit more about that later. I'm almost out of time on my lunch break and want to be sure I spend some good time on it.

xoxo
Molly Fallon

 
I SWEAR I HAVE THE BIGGEST CELEB SIGHTING EVER. Seriously. I have been so effing lucky in that I've met my most favorite actress (Vanessa Marcil) and now I have met my most favorite actor (Jimmy Fallon).

 
I'm at my new job. I am working hard, I swear. It's been going really well. And I feel as though I've made the right decision in being here. I like the thought of working for these incredibly hard-working people who spent months and months working to keep the spirit and idea of what was created from Pallotta TeamWorks alive. I loved working at Pallotta TeamWorks. I loved how much I wanted to work there and how hard I worked to get there. I loved how hard I worked once I was there. And I love how my hard work was recognized. Sometimes you work and work and work your ass off and you never get any sort of recognition for it. I definitely felt that way at times while working at Pallotta, especially with the mixed bag of people who were there. But I realize that I was appreciated and recognized. Now working with the new company, I definitely see that. My boss says I was the only person that she actually seeked our for a position. What a great compliment. And I'm so glad to be here. Really glad.

 
We're making Easter dinner over here in a little while. I went to get ham but was unsuccessful so ended up buying some ham steaks. Whatever, I'm ok with that, as long as I have plenty of mashed potatoes. Oh my gosh I have so much to write about. First of all, I resigned from my job with Avon on Thursday and am starting a job on Monday. They're doing some walks that I'm going to be working on. I'm actually going to be managing a lot of other people and interviewing people, which I'm definitely looking forward to the challenge. I went to the bookstore today and got a few books on interviewing and managing. I really want to be sure I am thinking about all angles here and I know I need to be prepared. I feel like I've been really lucky in that I've had these amazing job opportunities and these great experiences and it's only going to get better.

 
I decided to change a few things on my website. I'm going to start keeping track of my celebrity sightings. So the section that was once called "All About Molly" is now going to be called "Celebrity Sightings." So be sure to check it out because I had two great sightings this weekend. And I will update it regularly. This weekend I also made a list of all the things I still want to do in LA, and I think I'm going to put that up here too and then write about my little adventures. So I'm going to work on the site now. xoxo, Molly

 
This one's for Lauren.

Included with this month's rent check was a note to my landlord letting him know that my sliding closet doors were no longer sliding. And the people that had come to fix them a few weeks earlier did not fix them, but did manage to track mud and grease in that stained my off white carpet. Yesterday I got a call at work from my roommate (thanks for the heads-up Boges) letting me know that Mario had to come back and put new doors on. I knew this would be good...but I had no idea.

I took my lunch break today a lot later than normal, around 4pm so that I could go and work out and then come back to work for my meeting from 630-730pm. I stopped home around 515pm to take a shower and change. No one was home and there was no sign of the workers. I walked into my room and screamed. One quarter of my room is now mirrored. That's right...MIRRORED. Excuse me, am I a porn star? And I'm sorry but isn't this the type of thing you would run by a person before installing? My new closet doors are ridiculous. And there is no escaping them. No matter how I put my bed or anything else for that matter all you see is mirrors. I'm literally speechless, well now I am!

 
I'm really tired today. Come to think of it actually, I've been really tired almost everyday this week. And I have been getting enough sleep so I don't know what my problem is.

I went out to dinner last night by myself and had a really nice time. I think it was probably the first time I've gone out to eat by myself (in a sit-down restaurant) while living in Los Angeles. I'm feeling like I haven't had nearly enough alone time lately. And it is definitely starting to take its toll on me.

 
I'm at work right now. Steve's working on his newsletter and I'm doing some data entry. I'd be more upset if I hadn't any time to spend outside today. It's GORGEOUS out. We woke up and went rollerblading/biking at the beach for an hour. Then came home and made a great breakfast and then read a little. Now we're here. Tonight we're going to see a play that my friend Peter has been working on for several months. Tomorrow we're going to the Getty for a book signing and tea with Sylvia. That should be great as well. I'm glad that I'm doing some different things. Forever it just seems like I've been doing the same old thing every weekend. So I've added some culture into my life and am happy about those changes!

Katie told me the other day that if I can find her a job in Los Angeles that she'd come out. First of all, let me explain how freaking happy that would make me. I really really really want Katie to live out here. I'd be so incredibly happy and I know we'd have such a great time. So I'm trying hard!

 
I'm so glad that I'm done with traveling for a while. I've just honestly been so burnt out by traveling back and forth to NYC for two out of the past three weekends. I also have the great pleasure of always being delayed at least once (but more likely two to three times) during one of my trips. It's frustrating and annoying. But whatever.

I had a nice weekend in NYC. Katie almost got hit by a cab- I swear I had a huge part in saving her life when I slammed the umbrella into the driver's side window of the cab. I heard some Hawaiian music with Meghan and her boyfriend Rob (who is incredibly nice and fun), shortly after Katie almost lost her life. Went out to Kara's house on Friday, which is great. I had a nice dinner with her and Kerry. We tried to think about who would be the most drunk at the wedding on our side of the family. And then Saturday we went to the spa by Chelsea Piers and then out for the night. We all met up at a bar called Joshua Tree and then went to a kareoke place called MSN which was insane. We had our own room and I heard more songs from the 80s than ever before at one time.

It was great to be back in LA, and I'm excited that I don't have to travel for a while!

 
I'm in NYC again! Katie and I are going here for pizza. And then we're going to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. Honestly, if you have time please read the review...it's AMAZING! And I cannot wait to go. The review says things like, "This cheese turns into beautiful, cloud-like pools of white heaven." And, "If you've ever been there before, that's when your tongue really starts to water. If you haven't been before, you are in for one of the great culinary experiences of your life..."real" coal oven pizza...at its best." I'll let you know how it goes!

But first, we must go and work out and say hi to my grandparents. I'm excited about it though. It's not raining today like it was yesterday.

It was actually a hard decision to come here. I was definitely nervous about flying, but as it turned out, it was absolutely fine...and probably the best time to fly.

I'm going out to Kara's house tonight with her to see that, and hang out with her and Kerry. And then tomorrow the bachelorette festivities begin! I have an 11:48am flight on Sunday so I definitely need to watch what I drink. I am not going to fly with a hangover.

 
On my way to San Diego yesterday, I got a call from Kara asking me if I was going to be there all weekend. Turns out my uncle Chris was asked to come to LA for ABC's 50th Anniversary Party. Chris and my grandfather were flown out here for the party, which takes place tonight. Steve and I met up with them this morning for breakfast and had a really nice time. First of all, despite the fact that we were promised a rain-filled weekend, we woke up this morning to a gorgeous, sunny, cloudless day in Los Angeles. What a nice surprise! So we drove over to Hollywood and had a great breakfast. Then we all walked around Hollywood and Highland, an outdoor mall completely centered around the entertainment industry and tourists. Chris is still recognized wherever he goes, which is still funny and amazing to me. Every now and again I'm reminded about how huge he was and how huge what he did was and still is. He really did help a lot of people realize their potential. Anyway, I had a really great time seeing the both of them. It's funny to think that while I'm cleaning my apartment and getting ready for a St. Patrick's Day party (tomorrow), that my grandfather and Chris will be rubbing elbows with tons of famous people from ABC. Life goes on (ha ha ha ha ha)...that was meant to be...funny?

 
Oh one more thing...I neglected to mention that I saw my wonderful cousin Brian last Friday night when I met up with my sister's and mother and Uncle Chris at First Ave- the neighborhood bar. Of course it was great to see him...it always is. He's genuinely a wonderful guy.

 
I drove down to San Diego today for work with my friend Peter. Honestly, if it wasn't for him, I would have had a horrible time. Instead, I was able to catch up with Peter, laugh a lot and as a result, the walkers got to see the best of me. It started raining this morning and I hate driving in LA in the rain- honestly, people just do not know how to do it here. They freak out and it scares me. Anyway, the Walk Introduction and Get Started Session went well. I met some of my walkers, which made me really happy. And got a chance to talk with some other participants. The San Diego area seems to have a really enthusiastic crowd, makes me wish we were doing some better outreach there. Blah blah blah. I've had a pretty low-key night though. Steve and I made dinner, he's reading and I'm doing this. Tomorrow morning I'm meeting my grandfather and uncle Chris for breakfast. Turns out ABC is having their 50th Anniversary party and they invited Chris and my grandfather. Steve and I are going to see them in the morning. I can't wait!

 
So I decided that I wanted to be at my sister Kara's bridal shower. I went to NYC and surprised everyone in my family. It was a great trip. I realized that everytime I go home, it's to New Hampshire, and it takes a million years to get there, and the house is crazy, and everyone's running around, and I'm trying to fit in seeing tons of people, and then I have to go. And I never feel like there's enough time for family. So this was perfect. I flew in and out of NYC and just stayed there. Everyone was already there for the shower so I got to see everyone- my aunt Sue (who might win for best reaction), my sisters, my mom (had SO MUCH FUN with her on Friday night), my grandparents, Ellen, Betsy and so many more people. I loved being at the bridal shower and seeing how happy Kara is and getting a chance to meet her new family- who are really great, and extremely and genuinely excited.

My next biggest accomplishment, besides just being there, was eating 10 pieces of pizza during my three day stay. (But I really did that in 2 days). It was so fantastic. I loved every slice. I love New York pizza. I love pizza in general. You know how when you ask someone what their favorite food is and they say what it is? And then they say that they could eat it all the time? Well I really really really could eat pizza every single day. I don't, but I would. And when I go back to NYC I just eat pizza for every meal.

I have to get going for work right now. But I was getting pressure from my friend Lauren in New Hampshire to make an update.

 
I helped my friend Erica move today and although I didn't really have a day off or get to enjoy the beautiful sunny Sunday, it was a wonderful day. First of all, I know what it's like to move and have no one to help. So I was happy to volunteer to be that person to help and do whatever I could to make her day easier. And second of all, I just like to help other people. We had a fun time. And when Erica dropped me off at 630pm we were both happy and smiling. When we picked up our truck at Budget, we also picked up a couple of day laborers. They were our HEROES, our SAVIORS and our FRIENDS! They did everything. I have no idea how we would have done it otherwise, but it was fantastic and it went so smoothly.

Not much else going on. Just got off the phone with my dad...great conversation.

Last night Steve and I made pizza on the pizza stone that I got him for Christmas (two weeks ago). It was very yummy. We might make it again tonight!

Back to work tomorrow...which I'm actually looking forward to. Yay!

 
So last night I finally took Steve out to the Hollywood Sunset Ranch for what I told him would be "the best date of your life." I firmly believe for Steve it was exactly that. For me, I can best classify it as one of the TOP 5 WORST things that I've ever done in my entire life. Steve laughs and says, "I'm sorry sweetie," as I type this. So first and foremost, I discovered (the hard way) that I am not a horse person. I also discover that this isn't necessarily a nice and easy and relaxing ride. You are on a horse for an hour and a half going up and down and over mountains, under freeways and over bridges that only hold 6 horses (we had at least 9 on at a time), in a pack of horses IN THE DARK. When one horse goes faster, the rest of them want to. When one horse freaks out, the rest of them freak out. When one horse decides to walk near the edge of the path that looks down the mountain, the rest of them want to follow. It was freaking INSANE. I also discover, it's all about the horse.

They give me a horse name Cloudy. I'm told from the beginning to tighten on the reigns and yank really hard to get the horse to pay attention to me and to get it to stop doing whatever I don't want/like it to be doing. Then I'm told that Cloudy will just whip her or his head around but that she/he knows what he's doing. (I say her or his because I didn't get to know the horse enough, nor did I really care to try and start a relationship with IT after I discovered how much I loathed it.) NOT TRUE. My horse was so effing mean to me and so ridiculously frisky that I seriously thought I was going to get off it and start walking. I would have but I felt so peer pressured being in the group of people. They all knew I had "issues" with my horse anyway. I felt like I didn't have any control of the horse. Even though I was told to trust the horse and all that junk, the thing just sucked. It would not listen to the commands I was given to get it to calm down. It would walk directly on the edge of the mountain. It would walk directly underneath trees with huge branches and I would get snapped and hurt. It was just such an anxiety producing and unfun experience. I'd look over at Steve and he was so happy and so settled on his horse. So I decided that after dinner we'd switch horses.

We end up at a Mexican restaurant that was great. A live band was playing and they were great. And Steve had great Mexican food and I had a burger. So that part of it I couldn't complain.

I won't go on and on about the last HOUR of the trip. Suffice it to say that I was still scared even on Steve's horse- which was much higher off the ground than with Cloudy. Also, I was on the verge of tears the entire ride back to the ranch. And ended up being walked in by the guide because Durango (where do they get these names from) freaked out on me a few times and I just couldn't take it anymore. Overall, it sucked, and if i get on a horse again, it'll be too soon!

I do have to see that seeing Steve that happy, and knowing that I helped make him that way, was a wonderful feeling...and almost made it all worth it!

 
I JUST found out that my Uncle Kevin checks out my website. I'm IMing with Brian (Kevin's son, my cousin) and found out. I really didn't think too many people read this. Hi Kevin!

While I'm on the topic of family, I'd like to write about how much I miss them all. When I was younger, and living in Connecticut, I got to see my family all the time. And we were very close. We also were spoiled and got to go into NYC all the time and visit family there as well. I always have felt so lucky with the way I was raised. We were given such great opportunities and traveled to a lot of different places. Once we moved up to New Hampshire all of that changed. We didn't see our family as much and we didn't make it down to Connecticut and New York City all that much. And as a result, we weren't as close with our cousins and aunts and uncles. Obviously we had no choice in the matter, but looking back on it, it's sad.

Now the ironic part is that I'm completely happy living in California when my entire family and Amy (except for people like Steve and Sylvia, my roommates, Paschal, Heather, etc. who are just like family) is on the east coast. Of course I miss family family. And of course I wish we lived closer, but I am genuinely happy living here. So I don't see that as changing soon. I do wish I had enough money to go back home every few months. I don't remember the last time I was at Kevin and Sherry's. I've only been to Sue's office once. I've never been to JR and Betsy's "new" house (I think it's over 6 years old now). I've never been to Ellen and Jack's place in DC.

I definitely miss out on a lot. Meghan sent me an email today with pictures of Kara trying on her wedding dress. I saw Katie and Meghan in the background and I truly felt as though I missed out on an important moment that can never be recreated.

I guess I'm trying to say I definitely miss my family. And I wish circumstances were different from a financial standpoint. But that I know I've made this choice to be out here. And I am ok with it, despite the evident hole and the lost memories.

 
I did something this morning that I haven't done in a really long time. I went running! Yeah I only went for 1.3 miles, but it's a start! I'm already sore though. I want to get back into working out and I figured what better way then to start running again. I used to love to run, so I'm really hoping to keep that up. We'll see.

Off to start another day!

 
It's raining in Los Angeles. It's pretty rare. The last time it rained, I was listening to NPR and they said that we need the rain in LA pretty badly, but when it comes down too much, it doesn't really do us any good. It just runs into the gutters and out into the ocean. But I do have to say that listening to this rain is great.

Today I got back in touch with an old friend of mine, Justin. When I was in high school Justin and his friend Matt would make fun of me. Well it was mostly Matt. I didn't hang out too much with Justin. I just remember him coming home with me one night and my mom calling him an entirely different name, and being embarrassed. Then when I went to UNH Justin and I ran into each other again. Justin was completley freaked out and I think having an anxiety attack on campus. From there we started hanging out and becoming friends. But I haven't talked with him for such a long time, and then I randomly got in touch with him. We've already written back and forth a few times and it's been fun. I missed Justin and I guess I didn't realize it until we started talking. It's funny too, cause we were never really great friends. Just easy acquaintances with an easy and laid back friendship. Through talking today I see that we're more alike that we probably ever knew. I hope we keep in touch!

I wanted to go rollerblading by the beach tomorrow, but I guess that'll have to wait. And I just took out my book "Day hikes in Los Angeles" and was hoping to start doing some of those before work. I guess that'll have to wait also! Being in Los Angeles is great for being active and outdoors. I'm more active here than I have been in a really long time. Here's to hoping I keep it up!

So I am going to NYC in March for Kara's bachelorette party. I'm excited about it. And excited about going to NYC and seeing family and Amy. It's going to be fun. Plus, about a month later Steve and I are going back for the wedding. I can't believe Kara's getting married. It's weird to think about sometimes. Not that I'm not happy for her...of course that's not the case. It's just surreal I guess. Very cool though. She's happier than I've ever seen her. That's what real love is all about, right? She's found that certain someone that makes her feel that way. I think I have too.

 
Please work and please stop giving me troubles!

 
So this is where I'm taking Steve on Friday night. They do these rides on Friday nights where you go over the Hollywood Hills into Burbank for dinner and then back. I'm really excited. I've been wanting to do it for a really long time!

 
This is honestly the first time I've had any time to write in this. I don't think too many people read it anyway, but to those of that you still come back to read my ramblings, thank you and sorry. Today is my first real day off this week. I worked three 12 hour days and worked all day yesterday (driving up to Santa Barbara and back to work there) and one "regular 9 hour day." A new "boss" starts on Monday and I am so excited. My workload will drop considerably. Considerably. And I cannot wait. I'm not qualified for the work I've been having to do, and I have had so much of it that I'm not doing any of it very well and that feels awful. So I'm looking forward to finally being able to do the job I was hired for, and to doing it well.

I haven't been rollerblading or really taking care of my body lately and that's making me feel awful as well. But I am hoping to change that.

Steve and I went up to San Francisco last weekend and it was such a fantastic trip. It was great to get away from LA and great to spend time alone up there and great to see my friends. I love San Francisco. I had such a fun time of my life up there. I looked at the city skyline and just remember how much fun Amy and I had there and how many wonderful memories that place holds. It's nice to have a place like that.

Besides this, there really isn't too much to update about me. I've been working alot. Not working out enough. And doing some fun things.

Next Friday night I'm finally taking Steve out for Valentine's Day. I'll give out the link tomorrow (it'll make me come back and write again!).

Until then...thank you!

 
Yeah not so good with the good ol' blogger of late. Work has been so insane. My boss was let go a few weeks ago and I'm not taking over all her workload, despite the fact that I'm not qualified for it. And there really isn't anyone who can help support me and my co-workers. To say it's been frustrating is an understatement. Anyway, other things are going well. I'm rollerblading. Which is awesome. I wake up early in the morning and drive down to the beach and rollerblade for 40 minutes. It's great to be out and about at that time of the morning. No one else is around and I don't have to worry about running into people. I've only fallen once. But by the time I get to work, I've already worked out and I feel great. And that makes it all ok.

My friend Heather was in town this weekend with her boyfriend Gordon and it was so great to have them down here. Steve and I might be going up to SF over Valentine's Day weekend...we'll see!

 
Ok it's been a long while since I've made a substantial update. So this one's going to be long.

Work: Work so far has been going really well. Tonight I have my first presentation to the public for our Walk Introduction in Northridge. While I'm semi-nervous, I'm excited to get it over with. Last Friday we had training and I realized that when I'm nervous I can't breathe and talk at the same time. A SMALL problem for someone who has to talk for 40 minutes. Whatever. I just need to nail the material and I'll be fine. Oh yeah, and breathe! Last week I had to do it in front of my boss, the VP of HR, and three co-workers. I feel doing the presentation to people who want to be there (and won't be marking me down on my performance). Other than this, work's great. I love the team of wonderful people I'm working with. And I'm hoping that my friend Zoe will be joining the team once we can hire a new Walker Buddy. I love my boss- she's really great and has a great sense of humor. So overall, I really can't complain much about work. The only downside right now is that we do not have an office just yet. We're waiting on the lease to go through. Currently we're all working from home, which is fun and fine as I can work in my pajamas for most of the day, but it's also challenging and hard. I'll be much happier once we're all in the office, especially since it's supposed to be in Santa Monica, which means it's only a hop skip and a jump from my apt.

Steve. Steve's great. Things are continuing to go really well with us. I don't know when or how it happened but things went from good to great and I didn't even notice the change. Last night we went to Coach and Horses (the bar where we met) and then to The Curry Palace, my favorite place to get Indian food. It was a really nice night.

Katie. Katie was here from December 30th up until January 12th. She was supposed to go to St. Thomas to visit a friend but ended up having to change those plans. As a result, she switched her ticket to LA and was here for a while. It was awe-sum. We had such a blast. And it was perfect timing because I had off the first week she was here, and then the second week Steve hung out with her while I was working. We went to San Diego for a day, which was great. And did all sorts of fun stuff: went to The Irish Times with Sylvia; discovered a great new restaurant called Babalu in Santa Monica; had great drinks, etc It was really sad to drop her off at the airport on Sunday. I was crying and didn't want her to go. But Katie assures me that LA will be her next move. It better be soon!

Misc. The apartment is great. I definitely love living in Venice. And we have a little addition to the apt. His name is Jaggar and is a dog. We're helping save him, and he'll be with us for a few weeks.

And that's about it from me.
xoxo
Molly

 
yikes it's been a really long time since I've written in here. and of course i don't have too much time right now to make a substantial update. i start my new job officially tomorrow- even though i've been doing some work for a few weeks. i'm really excited to start this next chapter of my life. eating better, working out and a new job! yay. christmas was fun. it was great to be home, see amy, my family, the snow and that kind of stuff. but it was definitely nice to come back to LA. and i got an extra surprise when katie came out with me! she's still here. in fact, today we went down to san diego with steve. just got back a little while ago. and now i'm in the middle of this mad rush to do laundry, eat dinner, clean and do some sort of prep work for work!

i hope everyone is doing well. i saw jonathan while i was home, which was great! hi jonathan. thanks for the good food. and of course the good company. and brian, i hope you're having a good break!

xoxo
Molly

 
I am done, D-O-N-E, with school. Dean and I stayed up until almost 1 am finishing the last two assignments. It feels SO great to be done with school. No more homework. No more reading. No more traveling to Encino. Just time to focus on me and what I want to be doing. Although I know traveling on Monday to go home for Christmas is going to be annoying and long, I'm so looking forward to being able to write letters, in my journal and do reading that I want to do. It's been too long since I was able to sit down and read a book because I was interested in it. I'm going to do my Christmas shopping (I haven't done anything) this afternoon. And I'm going to rearrange my closet. Do laundry, pack. And relax. I have all next week off too. I'll be in New Hampshire from Monday until Saturday. I can't wait to go home!

 
I have two more assignments left for school and then I'm done! I cannot wait to have nothing to do as far as school goes. It was sad leaving school on Monday. In the short amount of time that I've been there, I have met some incredibly wonderful people. Alice, Bethany, Carol, Dan, Dean, Elizabeth, Natasha, Tal...just to name a few. I met genuine people who shared so much of themselves, and who were and are so instrumental in my growth process. I'm going to miss it on some levels, but I know I'll still be in touch with all of them as well.

When I was pulling out of the parking lot, I thought about how different it was to be leaving school on my own terms. And how sad it was still. I know that I am making the right decision in leaving school. I know that there are things I want to work on for myself. And I know that I want to have more free time than I would have if I was doing both school and work. But I also know that it is something I will eventually go back to.

So thank you to all of those who touched my life in such a short amount of time...but you can't get rid of me too easily.

I started work last Tuesday and it's going really well so far. Today was the first day I started to answer the phones, and it felt great to be talking with the participants again. I'm also creating all these new documents, which is fun and creative and productive. And I love everyone I work with. All in all, it's going really well.

One more thing- I bought an old school Nintendo last month and had been waiting on a part to come in before I was able to use it. Well I got the part about two weeks ago and I've been playing it non-stop! Well not non-stop, but definitely a lot. It's insane how much I remember and all the free men and coins and blah blah blah. It's so much fun though. Reminds me of when I was younger. Whenever I was over at my cousin's (Brian, Kerry and Casey), all we did was play Nintendo because we didn't have one. And when I went over to Robin O'Brien's, the same thing would happen. Good times. Good times!

I go home on Monday for Christmas, and I'm really looking forward to the trip. It's been a while since I was actually looking forward to being in New Hampshire and at home, but I am this time. It's going to be a great trip. I can't wait to see Jonathan, Lindsay, Amy and of course my family. Yay!

 
I have definitely decided NOT to continue school next semester. I have no financial security and I am constantly anxious- both things that I need to and must address sooner rather than later. Anyway, putting myself through school in insanely expensive and time-consuming and working full-time in addition to going to school full-time would be insane. Really insane. I'd have no free time to speak of, I'd be rushing EVERYWHERE and I'd be saving virtually NO money. I've thought about this quite a bit, and had several conversations about it with several people. But what's most important is that I feel as though this is the best decision for me. I really need to focus on me for a little while. And I really want to give this new job the time and passion and energy that it deserves.

Speaking of which...I started yesterday basically. I'm technically only doing freelancing and temp work for the next two weeks, but so far so good. I'm enjoying it and really appreciate the steady work and of course the money isn't bad! It felt good though. I know that I'll be happy there and I look forward to the challenges ahead. It's a great opportunity for me, professionally and personally.

Going to bed now. Love to you all! xoxo

PS...Good luck on your finals Brian! Don't study too hard.

 
I was reading Jonathan's website all about the weather and couldn't help but be grateful for the wonderful weather I experience living in southern California. Not that I'm trying to rub it in, since I know a couple of my faithful readers reside in the cold, snowy, frigid East Coast. However, I'm reminded about the sun, the birds chirping-which I can hear as I type- the minimal clouds and the warm weather. I do miss the weather, but only sometimes. I get to go home for Christmas, so I get to see the snow, and be in the cold weather for just about the length of time I can handle and appreciate. But the only other time I really miss it is in the fall. I love the change of the leaves and the crispness of the air. No matter what ANYONE says, you do not experience that at all in Los Angeles. So I'm thinking once I start working, and pay off some debts, and save some money, I'm going to take a trip back east at peak foliage time and I can appreciate the only time of year I really never get to see.

 
I spent all day yesterday in BED. Caught a stomach bug from Steve's parents. Not fun. Anyway, there really isn't too much else going on. I don't love my room right now so I'm thinking of doing some reorganizing with that. We finally got our cable installed today so officially everything has been installed. Now we can do some home improvements. I'm excited to get a job so I can get a new bed and some other fun stuff for the apt.

 
There are definitely tons of things to be thankful for this year. Here's my Top 10 List (in no particular order):
10. Moving to Venice
9. A new job- with AVON!!!
8. Steve
7. My roommates
6. Being healthy
5. Having a family to celebrate Thanksgiving with in a few short hours
4. Being back in school
3. All the wonderful people I met and became close with through working at Pallotta TeamWorks- participants and teammates
2. The wonderful California winter
1. My family

So many things seem to be falling right into place, which is great. We got the apartment here in Venice one day before our membership ran out with the online apartment searching thingy. I got two job offers, and actually had to turn one down. Which was a great experience. I got such great advice from so many people about how I could handle this professionally. And yesterday I dealt with it and told the other company that I wasn't going to be there on Monday- yes this Monday. It was SO scary and frustrating and nerveracking. But definitely the right thing for me. And the Avon interview was great. I had to do a lot of selling of myself and tell them why at 24 I was the best candidate for a management position, where most likely there will be people older than me reporting to me. It was again such a great experience. I know I'm qualified for the job, and definitely up for it. The Avon Breast Cancer Walk is definitely an event I belong working for. I'm good at what I do, and it's about time I get recognized and put in a position where I can really stretch and grow and learn. I'm really excited for this opportunity. And I get to be there from the beginning- the office hasn't even been set up yet! YAY! Oh and did I mention that the new job will be in Santa Monica...as in the next city over from Venice. I could, in all actuality, ride my bike to work if I wanted (I don't want to yet!). Anyway, I feel extremely fortunate and grateful for everything that has been falling into place lately.

Amy comes home from Italy soon. I really miss her. She's been having a blast over there and I'm so happy that she's had this wonderful experience. I can't wait to see her though- which will be in a few short weeks when I go home for Christmas. I'll be there this time next month. And then I come back and really start up with work.

I still haven't made any decisions about school. I have to speak with my advisor (which will be done next week) before I move forward. I'm definitely leaning more towards not continuing next semester. I have so many more responsibilities with this new position, and I don't know if I want to be super stressed and having to leave at a certain time two nights a week and blah blah blah. The more I think about it, the more I feel as though this may not be the best time for me to be in school.

Time to get ready for Thanksgiving. Actually I'm going to do some cleaning and reading and then get ready.

But first. Thank you to each and every one of you that brings joy, love and happiness into my life! I love you all.

Molly

 
Ok so I'm having second and third and fourth thoughts about staying in school. This is my deal. I have no financial security, which is a pretty big deal to me right now. And I feel as though I keep putting myself into these situations where I am going to fall even more in debt. I also feel like I have no free time and I'm not dealing well with any of those things- no money, no freedom and debt accrual. I need to talk with my school advisor about all of this. Unfortunately, I wrote to her last Wednesday voicing my concern about this and still have not heard anything back. That makes me feel great too! Anyway, I have a lot of things to consider and ask and evaluate. But I really need to think and decide if right now is the best time to be in school. I shared in my Group Dynamics (where we learn how to lead group therapy by actually doing group therapy) class about this the other day, on Wednesday, and I basically burst into tears explaining about the anxiety I feel over all of this. And how unsure I am. It was incredibly hard to talk about this with a handful of people I don't know all that well. Yet at the same time, it felt really good.

The move went really well. My great friend P Barr- Penny- helped us move yesterday. Basically me, Penny and Boges got all the big stuff- the dressers, the beds, two couches, the dining room table and chairs. It was such a huge pain in the ass, but it felt really great to be doing manual labor like that. I need to start working out. So the new place is pretty much all set up...again which is great. I'll be much happier when it's all settled. Right now I have a bunch of little things to do, like hanging up my posters and my Jimmy Fallon stuff. But yeah for the most part we're all moved in.

Once the phone is set up there I'll post my new info there.

And the job saga continues. I should know more on Tuesday.

Keep reading!
xoxo
Molly

 
Moving to VENICE! Boges and I moved some stuff today. Second day in a row of moving stuff over there. So happy to be getting things over there now. And so happy to not be totally rushed. But I'm exhausted. Our gentlemen friends are so lucky though- they're missing out on all the fun. Although Steve has been a great guy and has let us use his truck to make the move faster and easier. It'll be great to be settled into the new apartment. Then we can get working on a housewarming party! Now that'll be fun. Ok so I'm exhausted and as a result will be going to be in any minute. Goodnight my friends. I'll write more soon, I promise. PS...Hi Brian!

 
I definitely feel as though I'm freaking out. Today was just such an overwhelming day. And I am not dealing with stress and anxiety very well lately. Actually, I haven't since February of 2001. That's waaaaaayyyy too long to deal with the constant feeling that I do. Anyway, school is just getting to me. And I'm not even working. I'm thinking and wondering how I'm going to make everything fit- a new job, school, a boyfriend, roommates, moving into a new place and having a life.

 
So I interviewed with Avon last week for their walks. And then was told I'd get a call back this week. Which hasn't happened yet. Then I interviewed on Wednesday for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Was called that night to come back in and interview on Thursday morning with a couple more people. Then I was called last night and offered the position. I told them I'd let them know by Monday, and was told to take my time. Then I talked with people at Avon today and was told they were definitely interested but couldn't talk with me before Wednesday as they are setting up the other offices. Now, there is a potential $7,000 difference with the two jobs, with the Avon one paying more. If you're reading this and you have good advice please Email Me! Anyway, I'm freaking OUT!

 
When I moved up to New Hampshire, I lost touch with many of my cousins in the process. We used to play together most weekends when I was younger and moving so far from family made that nearly impossible. As we've all gotten older, we've gone in our own directions, but there are a few of us who have decided to keep in touch and make an effort to be in one another's lives. Brian and I have made that effort and it's been a great relationship so far. I really like Brian, and I look forward to seeing where we can take this...And here's his journal entry! THANKS BRIAN!

Hey everyone, I'm Brian, Molly's cousin from Connecticut. I'm a sophomore at Columbia University in the great city of New York! Molly and I
kinda have this East-Coast/West-Coast thing going on, and frankly, I really don't see her argument. I mean, who wants sunny warm weather by the beach with celebrities walking around freely? Please, give me speeding taxis who have no respect for pedestrian life and gigantic impending skyscrapers on the East River anyday. Though I do have my fair share of celebrities here... Julia Stiles goes to my school! So does that guy who played Sean on Boy Meets World and the guy from Third Rock from the Sun, but, somehow, not so impressive, those two. Anyhow, I took a trip to Australia and New Zealand with another cousin of ours, Susannah, this summer and Molly graciously let us stay with her in LA for a couple days before and after our trip. Quite the hostess, that cousin of mine. Rodeo Drive, the Hollywood Sign, the Playboy Mansion, the Osbourne's house, she showed us everything... though not a single celebrity sighting, might I mention. Hmm... Anyhow, she also introduced me to the glory of Indian food. Try it if you haven't... Chicken Tikka Masala? Mmmmmmm... But all of us here on the East Coast miss her terribly, since she's generally the life of any party. So it was definitely a thrill to be able to see her in LA and to meet her roommates, friends, and Steve (cool guy, that Steve. I'm a fan.) If you haven't been out there, get there fast. Spirit Airlines is cheap, though horribly uncomfortable (8 hours to LA from NYC?? Why?? WHY!?!). In any case, I take great pleasure in reading Molly's online diary everyday, so it was quite the honor when she asked me to write an entry. I read this thing like it's my second job. I hope I did the Guest Writer position justice, but if not, it only took you about 3 minutes to read this, and really, what else were you going to do with that time? Hope you have a great rest of your day, and keep hecking out Molly's life chronicles!
Peace out,
Brian

 
I'm about to go to bed but wanted to write about a few things first.

1. Since my last day of work on Friday, I have been in a major cleaning mode. I love to get rid of things and clean and feel as though I only have what I need. Up in the corner of my close was a box that I very rarely open. Inside holds painful memories of a broken heart from a devastatingly hard ending relationship. But I opened up the box and saw the pictures and presents and felt nothing. I saw the handwriting and again, felt nothing. In fact, I could barely understand the handwriting that I used to be able to decipher without any problems. I opened up those letters and read some of them, and felt nothing. Again. And it felt great. At the time Bob and I broke up, I definitely couldn't imagine myself at that place- even though I knew I'd be ok one day. I knew it would take time. Luckily I was given a lot of time to think about everything right off the bat- afterall, he did have me come out to London so he could end the relationship. But I took that box of letters and emails and presents and I threw it down the garbage shoot. And it felt GREAT! Of course I hurt at times over how much my heart was broken. Of course I hurt sometimes over how shocked I was over his sudden change in not wanting to be in a relationship. But I've moved on. I very rarely think about Bob. I have a new love now, Steve. And while it's not perfect- is that really an option?- I am happy. And Steve is a great, great man. And I love him!

2. I got a call today from the company that is putting on the Avon walks. You know, the company that I said I wasn't really sure I'd work for. I have no idea what's going to happen. They left a message on my machine today while I was at school all day, so I don't know any of the details. But I'm going to call tomorrow and see what happens. It'll be nice to not be unemployed for too long, that's for sure.

3. Lindsay is visiting from Na'Hampshire- as she likes to call it- and so far we've been having a great time. Tomorrow will be tons of fun though. It'll be our first real day to hang out together.

4. We looked at a great apt. in Venice. I hope we get it! It would be awesome to live so close to the beach.

Ok goodnight my friends. I have an idea for my next guest journaler!
xoxo
Molly

 
I applied for four jobs today. 1. A coaching position for the 2-day walks. I'm extremely conflicted with working for Avon given what I know that has (supposedly) happened between Avon and Pallotta. But I know my dedication should be to the cause first and the company second. Also, I don't have to make up my mind just yet. I've applied for the job and will make a decision when and if I'm even offered a position. But it was a big step for me. I love what I've done at Pallotta and I really would love to continue working for such a great cause. We'll see. 2. An administrative job with The American Cancer Society. 3. Manager of Special Events, also for The American Cancer Society (Relay For Life) and 4. A PR/Alumni Relations job at Loyola Marymount University. I'm not too crazy about that one.

Basically I do not want to be unemployed for too long. I can't afford it mentally or monetarily. And I'm sick of being stressed about money all the time. I think money sucks.

I dropped Katie off at the airport this morning. We had such a great visit. I love being a twin. We really do have a blast together and we're such good friends.

I have to work on a paper for Systemic Approaches on my familiy rules, rituals and myths. Should be interesting!

xoxo
Molls

 
And finally...

Ok let me just start off with writing about the Los Angeles 3-Day walk. I did it. I walked every single mile! I definitely didn't want to. There were many times when I wanted to give up...but I didn't. I thought about my mom having bone pain, or the memory of me being the only one home with her when she found out she had breast cancer. or the vision of her with barely no hair...and I kept walking with the 6 blisters that I got at mile 6 on day 1! The walk and that environment pushes you beyond the limits we've set upon ourselves. It pushes you to do things you've never done before. It's amazing like that. Being on the event was great in that I loved it and it only reminded me of how wonderful Pallotta TeamWorks is...or was. It was hard in that it was the last event. It was so overwhelming being a part of that in some ways. Being there knowing how hard it was, how it almost didn't happen and how it was the last one, was intense.

The registration went well. Me and Katie cried in the safety and orientation video. And laughed when we turned around and saw our mom "dozing off" in the middle of it. Opening ceremonies was beautiful and sad. We started walking around 8:30 am and didn't get into camp until 6pmish. The walking was hard. We walked with Boges and Kim the whole time, which was great. We had fun. We laughed. And then the blisters (for me) and hip pain (for Katie) set in. That's when it got not so fun. But we kept on walking. For me stopping was hard. And for Katie, it was best for her to take breaks every now and again. So we weren't the greastest of matches! We got to camp only to have our tent set up (thanks MOM!) and flowers waiting for us. We took our showers after dinner, which tasted amazing, and were asleep by 8:30am. Day two started slowly and it was the hardest day. By mile 12 I wanted to give up. In fact, at lunch (which was mile 12), I declared I was giving up. By Katie wouldn't let me. We ended up being pretty close to the last ones done, but got into camp around 6pm, in time to be welcomed in by mom and Steve (who showed up with flowers for all of us, including my mom!). We cheated this night. Mom took us back to her hotel room and fed us, made us take baths ad had us in bed before 9pm. Kaite and I are both pretty much convinced that if we hadn't spent the night in the hotel, we wouldn't have been able to walk on the third day. My blisters had gotten out of control at this point, and Katie couldn't really put too much weight on her left (or maybe it was the right) foot. Then comes Day Three. We walked together for the very beginning and then Katie met us at holding (where they have all the walkers finish and then stay together until everyone else is done). I walked with Boges and Kim that day. I didn't stop too much because that's when it hurt the most. But it was great to walk. I walked with my head down at times because I couldn't look ahead and see how far I was going. It would have been too much. Somehow I was able to finish that day. Miracuously I met up with Barbara Jo, this amazing and wonderful and kind and beautiful woman I met while staffing the Boston 3-day back in May, who did all 13 of the breast cancer walks this year (at age 64 I may add!). I ended up walking the last mile or so with Barbara Jo and some of her team. It was so weird to have not seen her at all in camp or on the walk the other 2.5 days. but it was perfect and fateful that we met up and walked together. As we came into holding, we were cheered on and welcomed home by so many people. It was amazing. It was beautiful. It was inspiring. I loved it. Katie and my mom were there taking pictures, capturing the moment we all rejoiced in being done with walking for 3 days. Holding onto our "way to go" balloons from mom, Katie, Kim, Boges and I walked through the path surrounded by our friends, families and fellow walkers cheering us on, clapping, crying and congratulating us on our wonderful accomplishment. All at once I thought of everything- thoughts came flooding through my mind of how hard and challenging the walk was, how hard and challenging my job had been the past few months, how great it was to work for Pallotta TeamWorks, how great it was to be a part of the event. I thought about my reasonings for doing the walk and working at Pallotta. I thought of the people that I've met, the walkers, the staff, the strangers who were now my friends. And I thought about it all being over. And I burst into tears because it was all so overwhelming. As painful as all of the thoughts and memories were and as tired and weary as my body was, it was the most beautiful thing I have ever been a part of. I would do it all over again- blisters and all. Closing ceremonies were just as emotional. But it was a wonderful way to end my experience. And I couldn't have been more glad to have done it.

I want to thank each and every person who supported me whether through fundraising, training or words of encouragement. I could not have done it without any of you. And although the 3-days are over with, there are definitely ways to keep supporting these sorts of events, and definitely ways of helping support those affected by breast cancer.

Thank you!
xoxo
Molly

PS...I'll write again soon about everything else going on. This was just getting too long!

 
Ok ok I'm sorry it's been SO long since I last made an update. And this is really just an apology. I'm not going to write a full entry. I just got back from celebrating my birthday with a bunch of friends. I had not even two beers. It's 12:18am. I have a test at 8am that I haven't really started studying for. I'm going to be in bed by 1am and up by 7am. This should be interesting. I haven't really had time for anything. But I'm going to change all that starting tomorrow night. I really don't want to do much. I really want to hang out with Steve and Katie and just eat pizza, watch a movie and go to bed early. Sunday I want to go rollerblading and write letters and write in my journal and watch the sunset. I don't want to work. I just want to sleep and attempt to begin exercising again and feel normal! I promise I'll update on Sunday.

PS...the walk was AMAZING. Thank you to everyone who donated.

 
As it turned out, I never needed another root canal, although I'm not so sure because that tooth has been acting extremely sensitive to cold things. Anyway, it was nice, though, going in thinking I was having a root canal, coming out only having a few fillings taken care of. I go back next Tuesday. I really like my dentist, which is a pretty good thing as I'll be spending a lot of time with him in the next few months!

I didn't go to the dentist as scheduled on Tuesday because I found out a really close friend of our family died, Lenny. He was more an uncle or grandfather-type of figure than anything else. Lenny was the best. Some of my best childhood memories involve Lenny. He would always take us out on his boat and we'd have these great afternoons swimming, learning how to ski (which I could never do), finding some cool spot to eat lunch and swim or jump off a cliff. And Lenny always had bbq's at his house. Or I'd be the ball girl for him and my dad when they played tennis, and then they'd take me out to ice cream. I'm sad that Lenny's gone, but I'm happy that he's no longer suffering.

My mom and Katie are coming in on Wednesday. I have to do a ton of cleaning before they come. But I'm really excited for them to come out here. It's been a while since the three of us got together, and last time it was T-R-O-U-B-L-E! But VERY fun. We had a blast in San Francisco. But it also means that the walk will be happening and as happy as I am about that, I'm also semi-scared as I haven't done very well on the training in the last few months and I am trying to recover from the flu!

School's getting busy too. I have two papers due next week and one test and then another paper and a test due the following week. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH. I probably won't get to all the reading for tomorrow's class. Oops.

 
getting ready for root canal #2 tomorrow. yikes. actually the first one really wasn't so bad. i just want this crap over with. more tomorrow. school was long today.

 
I went out last night with my friend Honor. Early on in the work day we decided to go out and have indian for dinner- which I do at least once a week. Then we decided to add on Coach and Horses. Basically we got into a lot of trouble. I'll put it this way, it's 6:38pm on Saturday and Honor is cleaning the carpet. We just got done watching Bridget Jones's Diary and eating pizza.

I decided today that I need to concentrate on doing three things that I used to do all the time that made me really happy, in an effort to be less stressed and anxious. They are: 1. Writing in my journal. I haven't done this on a daily basis for a good six months or so. 2. Picking angel cards every day. A really good friend from home turned me onto angel cards. "The Angel cards offer an opportunity to deepen your wisdom, strengthen your self knowledge and connect with your Inner Light. Each card illustrates a keynote quality that can evoke your intuitive ability to discern your next step and assist you to experience life at a deeper, more vital level. They provide a receptive space for spiritual input into your life." Anyway, I used to do this all the time as well, and just stopped. Today I started again, and got abundance. And 3. Running. This one is going to be a little tougher to get back into, but I really want to. I miss the days when I could run 6 miles and not be affected. I really loved to run. And I really believe if I can try and get these things back into my life that I won't be as anxious and stressed.

 
So I read my friend Jonathan's website and that's where I got the inspiration to do my own "blogger." I thought it was appropriate to ask him to be my next guest journal entry! Here he is.

Ciao Bella! I have to say that I'm happy that Molly asked me to write an entry, considering that I (ahem) introduced her to the madness that is blogging by making her check out my very own blog site (ringo902.blogspot.com -- plug, plug). Right now I am in my little apartment in a very Italian neighborhood just outside of Boston. It's a nice little neighborhood (note: an oddly Italian neighborhood in a very Jewish town) and we have bunnies in our backyard! I thought they were rats at first... I guess there's only so many times you can see rats scurrying out of city dumpsters before everything small and furry looks like a rodent. We also have chickens in our neighborhood. That's right. And they roam the streets freely. Yup. Not quite sure why, but whatevs... it's all good. I'm very excited that I'm going to be working in "Beantown" during Autumn. Fall is the most amazing time of year in this city... especially on those autumn days that are chilly in the shade but hot in the sun... when people are still rollerblading and go for walks and having picnics along the Charles River. Plus, I work like two seconds away from Fanueil Hall, which always has a ton of cool things going on. Sadly, being in Boston means that I will not be able to dine every Wednesday with Molly and Boges for the weekly viewing of The Creek. And The Beek. And His Giant Forehead. But alas, life is full of tradeoffs... instead of saturday lunches at Pallotta or Chicken dinners with Steve and Molly, I get to drive a piddly hour to New Hampshire to see my perfectly sweet one-year-old nephew, Jamie. Hopefully, soon, I will be venturing down to NYC with my roommate to see her cousin and I'm very excited about that because I have not been to New York since my junior year when I drove Molly down there to stay with Kara for the weekend. Lots of fun filled with black squirrels, Xmas party crashing, and Tiny Yellow Panties. (don't ask). Well, that's all for me folks. Drive safe, hug your friends, and don't eat bologna until they spell it right.

take care,

Jonathan (aka Ringo)

 
I went to the dentist for the first time in I don't know how many years on Thursday. I rushed out of work to make it on time to a 5:15pm appointment only to sit there until 6:30pm- someone broke their jaw or something. Sure. I get in for my cleaning, have x-rays, and the dentist comes in and tells me that basically I need to have a few root canals and some fillings and two maybe three wisdom teeth need to be removed. Let's review a few important details here. 1. I don't have any money. 2. I don't have a job after October 23rd (my birthday). and 3. I don't have any money. I call my mom in tears telling her how much I feel like total Irish white trash and how I think I may win a Guiness Book of World Records record for having the most root canals at the youngest age, at which she replies, "No, honey I had most of mine done before I was married." Let's review a few important details here. 1. My mom was married at 20. and 2. That falls under the category of things I wished I had known before I decided to not go to the dentist for a million years. I leave the dentist's in tears. My insurance only covers about 1/3 of the dental work I actually need to get done. My first root canal is on Tuesday at 2 pm. Could things get worse? Yes. I walk out to my car and have a $38 parking ticket. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

My piece of advice to you all: GO TO THE DENIST.

 
This week's guest journal entry is being made by my newest LA friend, Sylvia. THANKS SYLVIA!

Hi, Friends of Molly’s!

I’m Sylvia Thompson, a new FoM, although I’ve long been an honorary member of the Corridan clan. Molly’s Aunt Susan and I are sisters-under-the-skin.

Molly’s invitation to write this week’s guest journal entry is faultless timing (she is, as far as I can tell, a faultless young woman). Molly’s looking forward to new digs, which means she and her roommates will have to pack up their possessions. I’ve become an authority on the subject. In fact in Molly’s entry of 9/6, she mentions doing “manual labor.” That was helping me drag boxes and boxes of my stuff out of storage and bring them here to my place to deal with.

All this came about because a couple of weeks ago I stayed with Susan and Susannah in their beautiful apartment in New York City and was impressed at how much Susan had thinned out her possessions. Loved the clean uncluttered lines. Came home inspired to give up everything I couldn’t live without. A liberating idea!

I should explain that a year and a half ago, I moved from a big house in the mountains to a small apartment in West L.A. The overflow from the house has sat in storage, soaking up cash I’d rather have spent on books, music, and lovely little cafes. Susan asked, “What do you miss that’s being stored?” I told her that, except for my food processor, I’d no idea what was there.

Dealing with objects has meant, for the most part, giving them up. I’ve tossed out sackfuls of letters/ papers/ photographs/ memorabilia that no one in my family will miss. I’ve given the library dozens of books I’ve read or will never get around to reading and cookbooks I’ll no longer cook from. Given the Goodwill armloads of clothes I’ll never wear and kitchenware I have no place for. Given family and friends treasures that are time to pass on. In a few days, I’ll be out of storage completely, huzzah.

So sometimes, when packing, Molly & Co. will have to decide whether to keep an object or not. Should they ask me what to keep and what to relinquish, I’ll say, if you can live without it, do so.

Let’s hear it for Aunt Susan!

Yours in simplicity,

ST

 
Katie and I got another donation from our uncle Kevin and aunt Sherry! THANK YOU! So we're doing well. And I'm not as worried about the fundraising, although I am still semi-concerned as we haven't met our minimum. We sent out Katie's letters last week, so those should start coming back within the next two weeks.

I have the next installment of the "guest journal entry" ready to go. I'm going to post it on Tuesday. So keep checking back.

We've checked out three 3-bedroom places so far. One in "Hancock Park" which was really Korea Town. The apartment itself was great, had a view of downtown LA and the Hollywood sign, but the neighborhood wasn't so great. Steve pointed out that all the houses had bars over the windows and a house directly across from the apartment building had a high fence with barbed wire at the top. Not great signs. Plus something that really did resemble a crack house was just at the corner. So no to that place. And then Boges checked out another one today in Beverly Hills Adjacent which she said was great. We're going to fill out the applications today and get that taken care of. And Boges also checked a place out in Santa Monica. Despite the fact that the air feeling so much better on the west side, I gathered that it wasn't that great. I just hope we get this settled soon. Moving is going to SUCK. At least Steve has a truck :)

 
The search is on for a 3 bedroom place. We're all in agreement that it's time for us all to have our own rooms. And I guess this also means that Boges plans on sticking around for a while- WOO HOO! So if anyone is from LA and is reading this and knows anyone who can assist in finding a 3 bedroom house/apt. whatever, please let me know!

Also, I'd like to thank everyone who has donated so far:
Leah, Lenny, Mr & Mrs Green (Emily's parents), Gene & Linda, Stan & Sandy, Caryn, Smiley, Jen Mack, Bobbi, Stuart, Meghan, The Quinns, Amy, Joy, Andrew, Donna & Ed, Maggie & Howard, Barbara Jo, Elaine & Mike, The Hanrahan's, Sylvia and Nana & Papa.
I think I'll get this money raised after all.

PS...HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEO!

 
And the first guest journal entry goes to AMY VANDER ELS! Here it is...

Ciao, i miei amichi.
molly asked me to write a little something for her web page, so here goes nothing. as I speak, I am sitting in a bookstore/cafe/internet place. There is no one here. Italy likes to completely shut down from 1-4. they take their leisure time and their food very seriously. Mama like. I am taking classes here Monday through Wednesday and then we take "field trips" on thursdays. I got a cell phone for the first time a couple of weeks ago. I am now one of those girls that I hated, but whatever. I will go back to hating them in a few months, but for now I am enjoying my celly a lot. ummm...what else? I have had gelato about 14 times in the month that I have been here. I find it pretty funny and a little sad that the 2 places where I am a regular and the people know me are the candy store and the gelateria. I have been almost killed (i am serious) by cars and mopeds. they definitely don't yield to pedestrians here. is "f*ck you" a universal term? because i've said it to many a car. excuse my language. that's katie's fault.
ok, that's all for me.
hope you are all doing well, and if anyone wants to write to me or e-mail me, here's my info:
abve2@aol.com
and
Amy Vander Els
Cartiera Papale
Porta Cartara
63100 Ascoli Piceno
Italy

a piu tarde...
Amy

 
I spent all day in class yesterday. From 8 am until 9 pm I was at Phillips Graduate Institute, learning, listening and having a pretty decent time. At this point, I'm extremely happy with my decision. Starting next week I get to watch therapy in session. The program is so hands-on and so experimental that I know I chose the right place. The professors are dedicated and motivational.

Then I went back to work today. What a nightmare. I didn't take too many calls today but some of them were awful. Everyday we talk with people who just don't get that we were closed for two weeks, that the company has no plans for events next year or that we genuinely are not out to make their life difficult. I knew I needed to go back to school (thank you Barbara Jo!) when after I got my "dream job" at Pallotta TeamWorks and realized that I couldn't picture myself doing it for the rest of my life, or even for the next few years. As passionate as I was, and am, about the company, I couldn't spend most of my day defending what I was there and what we were doing. I believe in our company, I believe in Dan Pallotta, and I believe that we could have continued to raise enormous amounts of money. But what does it all mean now? Anyway, going back to school is going to be great. And I have to go to therapy. Which should be interesting.

So I'm going to have a guest once a week do a journal entry. Hopefully I'll have one lined up for tomorrow. But definitely this week for sure.

 
I had my first day of classes today and it was pretty interesting. Today was a Human Diversity class from 8-5pm and it was interesting. We did a lot of ethnic training and discussions. Basically I came away from it all noticing and realizing that as different as we all are, in many important ways we are all really similar. But now I have to spend tonight and all day tomorrow doing all of the reading for Monday, because that's when I really go to class. And they scheduled me for the wrong Case Conference- where we see actual therapy take place behind a one-way mirror. I was supposed to do that on Wednesdays. Now I'll be going to school ALL DAY on Monday from 8 am until 9 pm, with two one hour breaks. Should be interesting.

Back to the books for me.

And if you're reading this, and you HAVEN'T made a donation towards my 60 MILE WALK FOR BREAST CANCER TAKING PLACE OCTOBER 18-20TH, please visit my 3-day homepage. There is a link at the top of the page! I have only raised $750 and am required to raise at least $1900. HELP

 
I realized tonight what it's like to be on the receiving end of being made fun of, criticized and talked about behind your back, and realized that it's not fun. I'm going to be more careful the next time I do the same to anyone else.

I'm having a fun time updating this and making changes. Hope you're enjoying it too.

Amy called me from Italy. We've actually talked quite a bit which is great. I wasn't sure how often we'd talk. Of course she wanted to know if I'd talk about her at all! I'm trying to figure out if I can go and visit her at all. I definitely hope to. Katie's going in December. Anyway, she lives in a studio with one other UNH student (right Aim?) named Theresa. Apparently Amy's been drinking a lot. Sounds like she's having a blast and has already started taking Italian lessons over there. Oh, and she says the pizza is better over here. Still I'd rather go over there just to double check.

Jonathan ... thanks for all of your help!

 
So it's September 11th and I feel fine. I mean of course not fine. Who could really ever feel "fine" on this day. But in LA, as a friend pointed out, if you didn't turn on the tv you really wouldn't think anything was special about this day. I tried to watch tv for a while, but it was so sad. Then I talked with Brian and he said he felt similarly. I don't exactly want to re-live the day, that's for sure. I feel for the people who have been directly affected by this. I don't know how they're getting by. I just hope they are.

On an entirely different subject, I start Grad School on Saturday. I have my first day of classes. Which means I'll have one day off this week. Which means I'll be inside all day from 8-5pm. In School. Am I ready? Yeah I'm pretty sure I am. There's something liberating and enjoyable knowing that I'm going back to school and I'm paying for it and I want to be there and I'm doing something I want to do and that I'm actually going back to school for something that I know I'm going to eventually be making money for. Who knew?

When you get a chance, and it's either before 8 am or after 5 pm PST, call Pallotta TeamWorks' 800# (1-800-825-1000) and listen to the outgoing message. Why? Just do it. It'll take a few minutes. And don't leave a message! Then let me know what you think.

I made salmon tonight. It was ok. I need to cook it with lemon slices on top so that the lemon flavor cooks into the fish. Otherwise, not so bad.

 
So far the best thing I've heard since being back at work is "You must be busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest."

 
I got hired back tonight. Me and Boges did. What a great feeling to know that I can now breath easier for the next month and a half. And then if I do a good job saving some money, then maybe I can take a little bit of time off in November. I can't even imagine what the calls are going to be like. They'll either hate us or they'll love us. I'm glad me and Boges are in it together. But wow, what an entirely different atmosphere it is going to be.

 
manual labor is really hard.

 
So I'm helping a friend today. I'm doing "manual labor." Yes folks, that's what I've been reduced to at this point. Although, truly, I don't feel as though I've been reduced. I'm happy to know people who are able to offer me these types of jobs. Maybe someday I can wait outside Home Depot with some chicos and get some day jobs that way! Until then...

 
I got an email today from a great friend who had the best (and nicest) advice for me. Read on..."In the meantime, take care of yourself and keep your chin high. Good
things always seem to happen for you - it's all timing. Something great will come up."

So nice and just what I needed to hear.

 
I've been spending enough time on the internet lately, attempting to look for jobs and keep in touch with everyone, that I figured I might as well do this. A central place where everyone can know what's going on with me! I'll draft something good to put up. Look for an update later! xoxo Molly